I’m just going to tell you right here, right now… pickup lines don’t work on me. Ryan’s ever popular “Oh wow – your eyes are the same color as my Porsche” and “What’s your favorite period? Mine’s Jurassic” would result in a serious burn..
That said, one of my close girlfriends, K, works at a baller restaurant near my office and occasionally I’ll pop in to say hello and grab a drink after work. Sunday I had about an hour to kill before meeting some family friends for lunch and I was in the area so I stopped in. I was sitting at the bar having short convos with K as she ran around the restaurant while also bro’ing out with the bartender who made me a[n] [incredibly strong] drink called Bombs Away. I love him.
Everything was pretty routine until a Server came up to me at the bar and said – “Hey! Are you friends with K?” Yup. Immediately followed by “Are you single?” I laughed and thought of Ryan’s Turn and Burn move before I answered, and responded with “Yup. Single” His response “There’s no way you’re single. Cute girls like you are always taken.” Blaaaaah blah blah. Heard it. The best part was, he said nothing else and straight up walked away…?
I was a little confused but didn’t think much of it and continued bro’ing out with my new favorite bartender. I saw K and Server talking from a distance and it was pretty obvious they were talking about me, but I didn’t care too much because Bombs Away is BOOOOMB (why hello 2003, so nice to see you!) and the Sox were playing. Server came up a second time and said “I’m B by the way. And just a heads up, I’m going to come back in about ten minutes and ask you on a date.” Then walked away before I could respond. Wait, what? Did not see that coming.
B would come by every couple minutes and chime in with the bro sesh happening at the bar but he never asked me out. It was the most confusing thing… the anticipation started getting to me. The best/worst part is I honestly probably would have never noticed this guy otherwise, and here I was sitting here waiting for him to ask me out. WTF. How did he do that?!
Sure enough, after coming by three or four times with no mention of a date he finally said “So I’m off on Thursday. How about I pick you up at your place at 7p and take you to my favorite sushi spot. You like sushi?” I pride myself in being an asshole to guys that deserve it… but B totally caught me off my game and I couldn’t really do anything but say “Sure.” In true B fashion, he walked away. Bartender Bro looked at me, jaw dropped and goes… “So do you just say yes to anyone?!” I smiled a confused smile and shrugged. Apparently I do now?
The next time B came over he had a mini pastry/fruit plate in his hands, set it in front of me and said “I had Abe hook it up” followed by a wink. Ridiculous. I turned and looked back towards the kitchen and there was little ol’ Abe and his thick glasses smiling and waving at me… This B kid was really putting in some effort here calling in favors from Abe. I said “Thanks, Abe” and turned back around to share my fruit plate with my Bartender Bro. Did I just walk onto the set of Seinfeld??
B and I exchanged numbers and that was that. I didn’t see him again before I left the restaurant, but I definitely left thinking… hooooow diiiiiid he dooooooo that?! I feel the need to share the Ten Minute Date Line with guys everywhere because I am pretty stand offish (sober) and somehow it worked on me! Well done, sir.