The Turn and Burn

A lot of people think that the point of going to a bar is to drink beer and hang out with their friends. While these people may be correct on the rare occasion, the main purpose of going to the bar is to meet people of the opposite gender who are single or are single for the night. Most of the time it really doesn’t matter if they have a boyfriend or not as long as they are not talking about the guy all the time.

Sidenote: When I was in England I was at a bar talking to the hottest girl I had met in England (not really saying much considering the talent pool) and she came out and said that she had a boyfriend. I decided to try the rare “Let’s talk about your boyfriend but I’m actually trying to get with you” approach. That failure was so pathetic that it’s not even worthy of it’s own post and ended with “I’m not going to hook up with you but you should hook up with my cousin (0)” Thanks, but no thanks.

If you are a single male living in America or any other great nation then you want to talk to as many girls as possible with hopes of tricking one of them into liking you.  However, sometimes time is precious and you cannot simply wait around for a girl’s life story to be told.. On the nights where there is a precedence on quantity, you need to turn to a strategy called the turn and burn.  This involves simply turning away from the girl in question and and walking away upon hearing key words such as “boyfriend,” “kids,” or “hepatitis.” Hear the word, turn away, and make a beeline to literally any other location in the world. A front row seat at Tyler Perry’s Car Wash 5 is a better spot to be in than where you are now. Don’t look back, just goooo.

A few months ago I was out with a group of friends in the city and we were bouncing around from bar to bar, seemingly picking up a straggler girl at each bar. At the third bar we reached we added a girl to our group who was a certified 1. Time to start your engines and slow your drinking because you have a target tonight.
In medium size groups (there were about 6 people with us) I usually turn to somewhat of a slow play for the evening just to feel out if any of the girls are interested and what these new acquaintances are like (is this girl crazy? is she blackout? where are all of her teeth? etc.) You need to get an idea of what you are working with before you are ready to burn bridges with the other girls because most of the time once you make your choice you have to go with it. You can’t double dutch when it comes to a group of new girls you will never see again, you have to go all in.  By the time we reach the second bar with Caroline my slowplay research has concluded that she is officially the cutest and coolest girl of the batch. Time to hit on her exclusively.

Caroline and I are making small talk and things are going well, almost time to pull the “well what are you up to after this?” cheesy line when I hear a key word comes up.

Ryan: Have you ever been to (Bar closer to my apartment)? Whenever my friends go there we have a blast.

Caroline: Oh yeah I love that place! My boyfriend and I went there last week actually!

Before she even got to the word “last” I had already turned away from her and was walking up to my buddy to talk about something completely different. It was a code red, def com 5, I had no choice but to pull the turn and burn and get the hell out of there.

At this point in time you have effectively fucked yourself as you passed up on the lesser girls for this one and just completely douched her over. If by any chance the girl you burned does not tell her friends that you are a dick then you have a chance however they always know.

Sidenote: Girls have some 6th or 7th sense that lets them detect when one of their friends got dicked over. I have no idea what it is but they get the scent in their nose and they will not be forgiving.

Basically whenever you are in a situation with one of these disposable new acquaintances you should absolutely use this strategy to cut the cord and move on to the next one. No sense wasting your time talking some girl who is a dead end.

3 thoughts on “The Turn and Burn

  1. Pingback: Ten Minute Date Line – Part 1 | Can I Get Ur Number?

  2. Pingback: Sorry For Being Such a W[r]ench… Sincerely, Sarah | Can I Get Ur Number?

  3. Pingback: Firefighters with Ukuleles, Ugly Jax and The Voicemail: My Halloween | Can I Get Ur Number?

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