Dear Ryan and Sarah – love the blog. You guys are HILARIOUS and I look forward to reading your blog every morning when I get to work. I need some advice. I have a very close guy friend (Dallas) who has a friend (Heath). Heath was apparently extremely interested in me before I even knew he existed. When Dallas told me about Heath, I was a little skeezed out because I didn’t even remember meeting the guy. A group of us went out one night and turns out Heath is awesome. We ended up totally hitting it off and making out a bit. Dallas got really upset with Heath about it but still hangs out with me all the time. I’m confused because at one point (pre-Heath), I tried to give it a go with Dallas and he rejected me… so what’s the deal? I haven’t reached out to Heath because I figured he’d be in touch if he were interested, but he lives just a few blocks away and has my number and…. nothing!!! I’ve been playing it cool but I’d love to spend more time with Heath. What’s your advice???
For the Love of HEATH!
Oh my… for the love of Heath! What have you gotten yourself into?! First of all, thanks first and foremost for reading… and second and secondmost for writing in! Mad props for continuing your friendship with Dallas after the rejection – yikes! I think you should get to the root of it: Dallas. [Because he’s a guy] he may be confused how you could be interested in him and then move on to Heath after being rejected by him… weird, right? It sounds like he’s wanting your undivided attention without having to reciprocate… have his cake and eat it too, if you will. Have a conversation with Dallas and see where you guys stand… explain that you are exploring other options because of the rejection and hear his response. From there gauge whether or not it’d be appropriate to ask Dallas to wingman but I’d lay low for a bit and just hangout with Dallas and friends as-is.
Hi FTL of Heath,
It sounds to me like you need to start by keeping the two individuals separate. I think that any guy (Dallas) who considers you a close friend would get be a little opposed to one of his bros getting with you since it may just be a short term thing for his friend (Heath). I would say speak to them separately and try to see them separately. If you have them both in the room and they are both interested in you in two different ways it may just make for an awkward situation. Furthermore, if Dallas and Heath are both drunk around you at the same time then it may develop into some sort of feud between friends. “Bros before Hos” is a real thing, but around 12:30 AM at the bar Heath is going to start thinking more about where your night is going than Dallas’.
The saying always goes “girls talk,” but in reality guys talk just as much. Even though it usually just becomes some sort of pissing match between dudes it is still the same in principle. “Oh you are trying to get with her? I was trying to get with her.” Guys will compete over EVERYTHING so this is not the best situation for a girl to be found in. In the past I have made bets with friends about hooking up with a girl before them (not my proudest moments) but at that point you are more objectifying the girl rather than considering her someone you actually want to be with.
My overall advice would be to give the situation some time so hopefully things will reset themselves. Figure out what role you want Dallas to be (friend, hook-up, etc.) and then use that to see if you want to still talk to Heath or if its best you don’t reach out to him. Since they are friends you can’t have your cake and eat it too unless you want to to MAJOR damage to their friendship (I have seen this happen and it gets UGLY).