As I’ve journeyed through my trials and tribulations with girls I have found out that you can literally do EVERYTHING perfect and it still can be a failure. You can be putting your best foot forward, saying the right thing, and being a gentleman and still crash and burn.
My experiences have shown me that girls like to throw proverbial wrenches into the situation that can cancel out any progress that you have made. For seemingly no reason whatsoever girls will throw this wrench into the relationship, wasting all of the hard work, great effort, and non-drunk seconds that you have spent trying to be the best possible version of you. It sucks! It is basically like the girl you and the girl you are interested in are taking a nice drive towards something great when she turns to you, smiles, and then takes your stick shift and throws it into reverse all while calling you an asshole.
A wrench moment is guaranteed to make you stop and say “Wait, what?” because you feel like you are the only reasonable person in the conversation. Girls will come up with endless reasons why they cannot continue hanging out with you:
You’re too old
You’re too young
You want something serious and I don’t
I’m looking for something more serious than what you want
What happened to starting a casual relationship and seeing where it led?!
In college a lot of girls wouldn’t want to commit to a guy because they were in college. There were tons of guys out there and they wanted to see if they could trade up for something better (fair enough, it wasn’t like guys weren’t doing it too). However, in the “real world” the quantity has dropped quite a bit, making it much harder to trade partners at will (for most, not for all). You will find that most girls still have the inner hesitation to jump into a potentially bad decision due to the fact that they’ve gotten burned in the past and don’t want to trust someone else.
A lot of girls are programmed to simply believe that no matter how cool the guy is the relationship will not work out. The thing I hate the most about that situation is that a girl will sacrifice the chance to have a great relationship just because you may (will) ultimately break up. Are months of having an amazing time really not worth putting up with a couple weeks of a breakup?
It may come across as somewhat bitter because a girl named Ellen and I had a good thing going and this happened to us. I had been slow-playing her (taking forever to actually make a move on her) since we had known each other for a while. Unlike most girls out there I actually wanted to commit to her and have a relationship with her (sounds stupid, I know). She came up to my city for a weekend and hung out with me for the day and ended up hooking up. It was kind of awkward since we had known each other for a while (actually a while plus like five years) and we had never done anything like that. After everything had awkwardly transpired we were talking and she said, “I really like you and want to go out with you. I know that it would be a lot of fun and you’re amazing, but I think I owe it to myself to date other people.”
“Like I’ve been going on a lot of dates and they’ve all been awful, but I think I should keep doing that. I really owe it to myself.”
The short answer to this predicament is to simply understand that girls will often be crazy because they also don’t know what they are looking for. It’s easier for them to say no than to consider what it would be like to accept trying something out of the ordinary and venturing out of their comfort zone. My recommendation would simply be to let the relationship develop and come to you; if it is meant to be it will develop. If the girl cares enough she will let down her guard and let something develop. If they aren’t going to give you the opportunity to be with them, go to the local store, buy a six pack and hang out with your bros. The girls will come and if you can dodge a wrench you can have a ball (couldn’t refuse a Dodgeball reference).