After a very, very aggressive Saturday that involved tailgating a college football game for the first time in two years (oh yeah, it’s still really fun) I made the trip back up to my city and dragged myself out to the bar to meet u with Mario to see if we could continue our recent success. An interesting night ensued with a friend (1) of mine coming up to me and having the following conversation with me:
Ryan: Hey how are you doing tonight?
Brenda (obviously HAMMERED): I like you Ryan, but when I talk to you I get nervous. I like you though.
Ryan: Ugh, haha I’ve known you for a while so I’m not sure why you’re nervous. Maybe you should head home and get some sleep I think you have had enough to drink (Drunk girls…).
Brenda: Do you want to come home with me? You should come with me.
Ryan: I don’t think so maybe another time, you should go home right now though (let me enjoy my night!).
Brenda: You’re an asshole.
Sometimes being a good friend doesn’t earn you the credit it should. Mario and I eventually got Brenda to take a cab with her friends (thank god) but we were both too tired after dealing with her to continue the night. We made an executive decision to go out in his part of town (the area from Tequila Roulette) the following day.
Mario and I meet up the following day and are both feeling like shit. My Saturday tailgating experience started with a shotgunned beer at 7:30AM and continued for the next 8 hours so I was feeling absolutely terrible (guess I’m not in college anymore). However, we had made the plan the previous night and had to go through with it. Through our first three beers we were simply dead at the bar and being no fun at all. We tried texting an absurd amount of people in hopes of getting someone to come wake us up and eventually our friend Cob showed up like a knight in shining armor.
When the three of us are out together bad things happen, we just collectively like the taste of alcohol too much. In fact, the only reason that we don’t live together is due to the sheer fact that I am scared of the idea. As soon as Cob showed up the three of us were mad men. Shouting about football, doing shots, and breaking out all of the pickup lines that we had from college.
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche
Do you want to go halfsies on a bastard child?
Basically things were going very well. This continued until about halfway through the 4PM games when I realized that I was absolutely shitfaced and had already spent around $60. Time to leave.
It sounds just as easy as that right? Just get in a cab and go home, right? Wrong. In a move I had never seen before, SSR (self sabatoging Ryan) came out to hurt me when there were no girls present. Instead of having a normal night, I decided to lose my phone. Super. $30 later I was back at the bar we were at (because I didn’t believe that they didn’t have my phone like they said on the phone) and low and behold, my phone wasn’t there. Great. Ended up calling it a loss for the night and spent another $30 on a cab back to my apartment to grovel in my dismay.
In the end, the Find Your iPhone app saved my life and I got my phone back (and tipped the cabbie $40 for his help) however I was scared to admit that SSR struck again, this time when I least expected it. Is SSR getting stronger? For that answer and more we’ll have to wait until next episode fans. Until then…