The Slow Play Theory

This is probably one of my most famous theories ever, and Sarah has been bothering me about writing about it for a little while now. This theory is absolutely universal and can be used by men and women alike. I know for a fact that Sarah has actually used this strategy in the past few months since I introduced it to her, and she gives her stamp of approval (Sarah you can let me know if that’s not true).

The subtitle of the slow play theory is “do less,” as you want to put the scenario under your terms.  You are attempting to woo your target at a more opportune time. This may be due to the fact that they are dating someone right now, they are too busy with work, or there is some other situation that is forbidding the two of you from being together. By using the slow play strategy you are effectively saying “I want to fight this battle, but I don’t want to fight it today.”

This may be construed as being a wimp, but it is actually a very smart strategy.  The best war generals won’t go into battle before they are ready to fight, and neither should you.  Fighting the battle prematurely will most likely cause you to be underprepared for the situation at hand.  You may not be able to understand the situation the other person is in, and thus should tread lightly rather than misstepping by acting too quickly.

However, while it always on my mind to slow play girls, in the past I have often ended up moving too quickly. Not having patience makes it difficult to move at a girl’s speed (especially since they are always throwing wrenches into the picture) which is why I always remind myself to “do less.” Slow it down, be yourself, and take it one step at a time.

And now a couple lessons that you should consider from the slow play hall of fame:

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS (well most).

Randomly met this girl (Not Cape Cod Clarissa) at a dorm party three weeks from the end of school junior year and she told me that “she really was attracted for me for a while but never had the courage to tell me (girls make so much sense).”  We hooked up for the last couple weeks of school and I actually was killing it with creative moves and what not (I hate to brag) but then the end of the school year came and we both went to our respective states. Long story short we didn’t speak much that summer and by the time we got back to school we were not on good terms. She and I got into a couple arguments before I ran into her at the local sloppy Thursday night bar and we had an eloquent interaction:

Ryan: Why do you hate me?

CCC: I don’t hate you

Ryan: Do you want to get out of here?

CCC: Yes

Girls don’t make any sense. We ended up being friends with benefits for a semester after this and eventually quasi-dated. Long story short this one can get filed into the “accidental slowplay file” as I simply did not completely burn the bridge, therefore leaving a chance to get with her later. This brings me to my next point

DO YOU LIKE THE GIRL OR THE IDEA OF THE GIRL? (naked)

It’s a distinction that you need to make when thinking about a girl/guy because you may just be more interested in the chase than the actual girl. The ultimate slow play that I have ever done and possibly that has ever been done was my interaction with my prom date, Ellen.  Ellen and I had known each other for 11 years before we became interested in each other in high school. In a classic slow play move, Ellen and her sister hooked me up with one of their friends for a date…which turned into a 3 year relationship (eek!). While I was dating a different girl, Ellen and I still flirted with each other all the time and overall had a sketchy relationship. We never did anything but there were moments where it seemed like something was going to develop but it didn’t because we didn’t cheat on our partners at the time (good people).

3 years later I came back from abroad single and Ellen and I started talking again, however I clearly found out that I was stuck in the friend zone. Regardless of being smart about it and putting her in slowplay mode (translation, talking to her much less, not hanging out casually) I decided to do more and asked her out. Horrible move, and I was immediately shut down.

Sidenote: One of the most common regularities of the slow play is that you often go in and out of the friend zone during the slowplay. Things just aren’t right for whatever reason and it is not the correct time to make your move.

Rather than give up, I was determined to keep pursuing this so I spent another couple years (saying it like that makes it sound so much more embarrassing) while she was going in and out of relationships keeping her in my back pocket and talking to her every once in a while. When I was bored I would hit her up and she’d be too busy, when she was bored she’d hit me up and I’d already be with a girl. Things just didn’t line up. Finally, 16 years after we met (told you it was a record-setting slowplay) we hooked up. Instead of fireworks and the Star Spangled banner all of a sudden being played in the background it was a pretty awkward experience and we haven’t spoken much since.

Slow And Steady Wins the Girl

The important thing to do in a slow play is keep your eyes on the prize and don’t do anything that will ruin your investment in time. Hooking up with the person’s best friend is probably not a good idea. Calling them drunk is most likely not going to help you be successful. Drunkenly walking to a bar that they may or may not be at will probably not help either.  Don’t make dumb decisions blackout to screw it up and never wait around for a slow play. Live your life and see what other opportunities present themselves and don’t let someone that you aren’t with slow you down.

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9 thoughts on “The Slow Play Theory

  1. Pingback: Sorry For Being Such a W[r]ench… Sincerely, Sarah | Can I Get Ur Number?

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