Ugh. I’ve been dreading this post…. but I’ve referred to him three separate times (here, here and here, for those of you that are keeping track) so it’s time that I finally
confess share with you my epic failure with Marine Jeff. We’ll go ahead and make this story two parts so I can give you the full picture (also, Ryan got me in trouble for my posts being too long, haha whoops).
Story starts with Wayne, who was The Ex’s best friend from [Military] Academy and moved to The City right when The Ex got sent away for work; we became really really good friends and remained friends even after the breakup.
Bob-o was also a close friend of The Ex and was coming to The City for a week to visit Wayne and also happened to kind of love me (personality, not physically). The breakup of the century happened four months prior but Wayne and Bob-o had a hard time letting me go… they texted me everyday that Bob-o was in town and asked me come hangout with them; I was also trying really hard to cut ties to The Ex so I came up with a lot of lame excuses to avoid them. Until Friday, November 11, 2011 when I went on THE WORST DATE OF MY LIFE.
I knew the date was going to be terrible, but unfortunately it was too late to cancel… so instead I folded and texted Wayne and asked what he and Bob-o were up to that night…. self sabotage much? They were going to be in the same part of The City where my date was taking place so I figured I’d go on the date, and ditch early to hangout with them.
I finally ditched the date and made my way to Wayne and Bob-o. When I walked in the crowded bar, I was greeted with a pickup-swing-hug by Wayne, and Bob-o was just as sweet as ever. They were exactly what I needed in that moment…. aside from a drink.
Wayne however would not let me get to the bar. He had been drinking since 2p and was with a group of about ten of his close friends from [Military] Academy celebrating Veterans Day. He pulled me close, stared into my eyes and said “Sarah. All of these guys are officers in the military. And I am going to introduce you to every single one of them. Have a good night.” (Sidenote.. is this what the best friend of your ex is supposed to do?? Seems really weird.)
Before I could so much as lift a finger to oppose he had already grabbed Officer1 by the arm. “Sarah. This is Tommy. He is a [something awesome] fighter pilot.” I smiled awkwardly and tried to stop Wayne from these awkward meet-and-greets, but before I could he had grabbed Officer2. “This is Kel. He just finished a tour in Afghanistan.” On and on and on it went… through allllllll the guys… and I still didn’t have a drink in my hand. I was absolutely not interested in any of the guys but was definitely ready to start drinking. Wayne finally let me at the bar and put me on his tab…. I love Drunk Wayne.
A few drinks later I noticed a guy creepin’ in on my new crew. In true defensive-of-people-I’ve-never-met-while-I’m-drunk fashion, I said something along the lines of “Hey. What are you doing??” The guy got mildly defensive and insisted that he was friends with Wayne’s guys. I was skeptical so I kept drilling him with questions, which turned into hilarious banter, which turned into him being extremely attractive… I believe at one point we were singing the Marine Corp Hymn (?) I made my way over to Wayne and asked what his name was… Wayne shook his head and goes “Oh shit.” Of all the guys there that night, I picked the one from The Ex’s graduating class that also happens to share his name. Is anyone surprised?.
I didn’t let it stop me and we ended up having a ton of fun at the bar. A while later I left with Wayne, Bob-o and a smaller crew to head to a more low-key bar to wind down and close out our night. Marine Jeff and his Hometown Bff stayed at that bar. I was having a good time at New Bar catching up with Wayne and Bob-o and hearing about their latest women and escapades when Marine Jeff and Hometown Bff walked in… hmmm…
We all hung out for a while longer and Marine Jeff and Hometown BFF were leaving to get street meat. They invited me along so I said casual goodbyes to the crew and left with those two thinking we’d be right back… what I didn’t realize was how late it was and the bar was now closed, that was my final goodbye to Wayne and Bob-o. Whoops, mb.
Hometown Bff got in a sports debate with the street vendor, meanwhile Marine Jeff and I talked//tried to kiss but I was wicked awkward. Shocker.
I look over and the next thing I know, Hometown Bff is in a cab waving goodbye to us. I was completely thrown off and looked at Marine Jeff in a panic.. “Wait, wasn’t that your ride?? How are you getting home?” I couldn’t believe I got suckered in to taking this guy home… I just got wingman’d! I never get wingman’d!! I salute you, Hometown Bff… but whhhaaatt??? I stammered out a few more awkward phrases and that’s when Marine Jeff said “Nah, I actually have a hotel not far from here.” Oh.
What to do now…