That Night I Was An Affleck

We have a tradition in my family to head down to my uncle’s house the day after Thanksgiving to spend some time with a lot of family that we rarely get the chance to see. It is always a great time because I get the opportunity to see all of my family during the day and then venture over to see some college friends at night to go drinking with them.  This always turns into a blast because we reenact the binges that we would go on during college in their hometown and I don’t have to sit around by myself when everyone goes to bed at 10PM.

This year I spoke to my friends on the way down to their house to see what the situation is. Over the couple hours it takes to get down there I found out that they were going to their high school reunion that night in town. Figuring it would be awkward for me to join them, I decided that I would pass and catch them in a few weeks when I’d be in the area again. Flash forward three hours and I get a call from Dave that I have no choice but to come down to the reunion. If you know anything from reading this blog you know that I like to have fun so it was on.

As I headed down to Dave and Reese’s town I was pretty excited for the ensuing events. My aunt had told me that I had to come up with a good lie to tell everyone there, and I had a pretty decent one in store. I showed up at Reese’s house, pregamed with him and Dave and then headed out to the reunion. Here goes nothing.

Sidenote: To put it quite simply, this town is one of the most prosperous towns in America so I was excited to see the crop of girls. I had met some of Dave and Reese’s friends and they were absolute smokes. Hopefully this night would end well.

Not too shabby

As expected, I walked into the reunion and there were beautiful ladies everywhere. Well, at least I wouldn’t be bored tonight. We had already been drinking about so the confidence was flowing as I walked over to the first girl with Reese.

Reese: Hey Sandra, this is my friend Ryan, do you remember him?

Sandra: Hi Ryan, I don’t think I remember you, did you go here?

Ryan: I actually went here and transferred out sophomore year, I actually think that I was in your gym class sophomore year.

Confused Sandra: Oh weird, I don’t know if I remember you…

Encouraging Reese: Sandra, Ryan actually comes from a pretty famous family, don’t you Ryan?

Loving-Every-Minute Ryan: Haha, yeah I’m actually Ryan Affleck, Ben Affleck’s cousin. I’m not sure if you saw Argo but Ben got me in there for a few minutes. It was a really cool experience.

Gullible Sandra: Oh my god! That’s so awesome, great to see you again!

Soooo this night was going to be awesome.

Can you see the family resemblance?

Can you see the family resemblance?

As the night went on, Reese, Dave, and I drank a stupid amount of whiskey gingers and continued to tell complete lies to everyone at the party. Eventually we got to the point where we stopped even trying. One girl in particular named Jamie (1) actually followed me around accusing me of lying.  Perfect.

As an unbiased observation, I can honestly say that I was turning a lot of heads at the party because no one knew who I was other than about six people. Absolutely hilarious. Girls way out of my league were talking to me because they were trying to remember who I was and I was savoring every moment of it.

It got to the hour where I was going to see just how far I could take this night so I started dancing with Jamie to see how far I could get. I started to talk which led to breaking it down on the dance floor with her.

Sidenote: I’ve recently learned that you don’t need to be good at dancing to entertain girls, you just need to spend time dancing with them and you will be in good shape.

As the night winds down I have been dancing with Jamie for a while and she lets me know that she’d like to have an after-party but is staying with her mom and couldn’t hang out afterwards. Typical Ryan story. I was able to text her a little bit and got a good start with her, it was a lot better than sitting around drinking with my mom so I’ll take it!

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3 thoughts on “That Night I Was An Affleck

  1. Fake Backstory is one of my favorite games! I waited tables through college and it was always fun to make up stories that start with the sentence “Oh, I’m not *really* a waitress…”

    • It’s so much fun when you are with a friend who has to keep up with your story as you make it up. It got to the point where my friend would just walk away when I would start telling a story because he couldn’t keep a straight face. Pretty hilarious.
      -R

  2. Pingback: The Cable Guy Epic Fail | Can I Get Ur Number?

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