I am a Writer…Kind of

Girls care about jobs. Every guy that they meet at a bar is a potential suitor who would need to help them support the bills that come with a house/car/kids/white paint for the picket face when you settle down.  Not having one of these jobs (translation = $$$) makes it relatively difficult to pick girls up at bars.  Take it from me; I’ve had a couple of months experience with it now during my search for the “next chapter” in my career.

While I have been employed in very stable industry so far in my career it is still not an industry that is very exciting.  I’m not an explorer. I’m not a ballplayer. I am not shipping out to ‘Nam next week. I’m simply a different version of many people that you have met so far in your life (Jeez that’s morbid).

However, at the end of the day you need to sell your qualities and hobbies, ESPECIALLY when you don’t have a job to back up your claim for being a real, living, breathing adult in this world. That’s where you have your side stories when you are employed/main stories if you are unemployed.

Note: NEVER tell a girl you just met that you are unemployed right off the bat. She will probably immediately turn and walk away by your sheer lack of creativity.

Since we are in the business of using our advantages in creativity, we can manipulate the truth to help brighten our personal brand (to trick girls). These obviously can’t be used on people who already know you and should be used only if the girl asks you what you do (an obvious stopping point in the beginning of any mundane bar introduction). The following are a few strategies I’ve used so far:

The Doctor is In

The Doctor is In

A Student (Not the Strongest)

R: I’m actually still in school right now. Yeah, I’m dedicated to saving lives, it’s just a matter of finishing school before I can actually get out there and help people.

Okay, so I’m not a med student nor do I know ANYTHING about the medical field. However, you aren’t necessarily saying you’re a brain doctor, just that you are trying to help people. A loose interpretation (probably given by admissions councilors) could say that people in many fields save lives. The key here is vagueness and hoping that the other person is not in the medical field. If that is the case you swiftly walk away. If you know nothing about medicine this probably should not be your go-to. If you do, then go for it!

The Homeland is Calling!

On a Sabbatical (Stronger)

My perception of people who take sabbaticals is that they are usually gregarious, brilliant, and leaders in their industry. These are people who are putting their career on hold in order to help the general public. These are usually not people who spend as much money going out as they do on their rent (sorry savings account).  Hopefully the girl you are speaking to feels the same way and wants to give back to you for giving back to the world.

R: Yeah I’m taking a sabbatical to go overseas to help out in Africa. I really feel like I owe it to the people over there.

You are surely not earning Karma points but you may get a phone number.

Great American Novelist?

Writer (My go-to)

First of all, it’s not really a lie that I am a writer. You are reading this after all. It is a lie that I currently earn any money from writing this (donations accepted!) or that I am currently working on a novel.

This is by far the strongest story since it allows you to shine in a few key character areas:

  1. You are creative
  2. Other people literally pay to hear what you are saying so you must be interesting
  3. (In the novel situation) you are committed to a goal and have the wherewithal to see it to it’s fruition

Start with a creative, interesting, and motivated character foundation, add in a hipster shirt and don’t shave for a day and BAM you are in the money! I’ve actually had a lot of fun with this lie since it challenges you to be on your toes and continue the story that you started. I may not be writing a novel or contributing articles to Buzzfeed but I do have a very successful blog (THANK YOU READERS!!) and at the end of the day you need to get a return on your assets. While you may not always get the girl when using this method, you will always have a good time at the bar and will be provided a night with a nice change of pace.

Try it out and let me know how it goes!

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