A couple weeks ago Mario and I made a journey across the United States to visit Sarah and hit on the girls of her beautiful city. It was sort of our take on manifest destiny even though we had much more basic goals:
- Get girls
- Get Drunk
- See steps 1 and 2
Admittedly, I entered the weekend pretty aggressively as I went to a concert and accidentally got drunk the night before our 9:30AM Saturday flight. Needless to say I was in rough shape when we arrived at the airport and had our first beers at 8AM. After all, you have to set the bar high for a trip of these proportions.
Mario and I had a beer at the connecting airport and then finally arrived at our destination at 3PM local time (6PM east coast time) exhausted and needing a nap.
Sidenote: Mario and I never managed to adjust to the local time zone due to getting up early each day. This is VERY important to remember when going through these stories.
Instead of getting a nap we got an incredibly aggressive pregame with Sarah and her friend K. This consisted of many beers and too much gin. Next thing I know we’re at a bar downtown and I’m in an argument with British guys about soccer. Low and behold at this this point I decided that I was too drunk/tired to be there so I kicked myself out of the bar and called Mario from the outside. Classic move Ryan. Got home around 2:30 AM (5:30EST) that night so we essentially were up for 23 hours.
Sunday consisted of us being far too tired/hungover to be at bars for the 10AM local start time for football games but we were troopers and drowned our pain out with beers before spending some time at the beach.
Monday was the first day of Sarah’s work week so we drove her to work and then did touristy things for the rest of the day. Went out that night to a couple of college bars, got drunk, and ended up doing a deal where you get a beer and shot for $5 (what a country we live in!). Mario didn’t want his shot so I did back to back Jameson shots (smart) and the rest of the night is a blur. The last thing I remember is Mario hitting on a 35 year old mother and telling her that their kids should have a play date the next day…
At this point we realized that, although we were on vacation, it was business as usual in San Diego and the girls weren’t going out hard on Sunday/Monday nights. Thus, Taco Tuesday gave us hope that girls would be out and about in the city. Mario and I started the night with K at a local burrito establishment drinking a lot of Mexican beers and eating too many incredible tacos. We had reunited with Sarah and her brother for dinner and were ready for a big night out. Unfortunately we were the only ones who wanted to party since Sarah and K decided that they were going to call it a night. Weak!
After a ten minute guilt trip exquisitely performed by Mario and I we managed to get the girls to come to the bar with us. We were only going to be in her town for a week, we had to make the most of it. The bar that we ended up at had a large quantity of 1s and cheaply priced drinks so it was obviously an amazing place. It was finally time to hit on some locals.
After making our way around the back of the bar for a few minutes, Mario and I started talking to a group of girls (Two 1s and one 0) at the front of the bar. Let the games begin. The two 1s were students at the local college and the 0 was a student at a local beauty school (irony) who had come to the bar for a friend’s birthday. We quickly decided it was a better idea to separate them from their friends (potential cockblocks to out of town guys) and got them to go with us to a club down the road. The girls were really excited about going with us so I could see this night going well.
We get to the club and the place was packed with college kids for Tuesday night. At this point I had been drinking heavily for about six hours so I decided it was probably time to pump the breaks on drinking. Mario had other ideas and handed me a beer (like a good friend should) and we hit the dance floor for a while.
Mario and I danced with the girls for a while after they did the thing where girls dance with each other on the stage which also results in me thinking, “cool you look great up there, now come down here so I can try and trick you into hooking up with me.” The dancing was going well and I could see that Mario was already making out with his girl (The sorority 1). Mine was being a little more difficult but it was early in the night. The 0 was unfortunately still in the area dancing with an Australian dude but we managed to ditch her and went back to the bar.
Sidenote: Always leave the 0, they just want to get attention from you and when they don’t get hit on by guys they will start whining because they aren’t getting the attention that their cooler, more attractive friends are getting.
At the bar I start talking to my 1 and I find out that she was actually pretty cool, but that I had NO IDEA how old she was. Example:
Hipster Ryan: Yeah I listen to alternative rock and hip hop, not huge into this dance music but its better than some stuff out there.
Excited Girl: Oh nice, have you ever heard of Young the Giant? They played at my high school a couple years ago.
Concerned Ryan: (Uh…….) Oh yeah they are great, how old are you again?
Girl who appears to be around 19: I’m 23!
Skeptical Ryan: (Thinking about how cold jail is) Okay sounds good!
The night gets weird after this point, look for Part II on Friday!